Sun/Sons

I became a boy mom at twenty

young, soft,

still searching for my own becoming

when I was given the honor of raising kings.

Landen,

you came first

deep as earth,

the kind of soil that grows something ancient and holy.

You were the beginning.

The root.

The first beat of a love I had never known.

You made me a mother.

You made me brave.

You made me see myself.

I poured everything into you

maybe too much,

maybe not enough.

But always with love.

I wanted to give you siblings.

But more than that,

I wanted to give you safety.

Stability.

Something I didn’t fully understand,

but knew you deserved.

And then, through unexpected winds,

a new love came.

White as snow.

While I remained the deepest night.

From that love came Iniko.

A name meaning “born during troubled times.”

And yes

there was trouble.

But there was also love.

You were my reset.

My second beginning.

I held you so close,

your ear against my heartbeat,

so you’d always know the rhythm of my love

even when life pulled us apart.

Your chest against mine was my prayer.

My hope.

My echo.

And then, a surprise…

Yuriel.

You flowed in like water.

Smooth.

Certain.

Sacred.

You were the only one who never let go.

You latched on,

and held me like I was the world.

You wrapped yourself around me

as everything else began to unravel.

And when your sister entered with force,

you stayed close

as if to remind me that I was still needed.

Still worthy.

Still yours.

You hugged me through heartbreak.

You clung to me when I felt like disappearing.

You, my last boy,

reminded me that softness

is also strength.

Each of you

came from a different wind,

but all of you carry my heart.

My love.

My prayers.

bell hooks said:

“To truly love boys, we must love them for who they are, not for who we want them to be. We must love them in ways that reflect the transformative power of love, rooted in trust and nurtured by respect.”

And that is what I have tried to do.

Not perfectly,

but honestly.

Openly.

With my whole being.

My sun/sons,

this world will offer you many names

some not meant for you.

But let this always remain true:

you were born of a mother who fought for healing,

who gave you love forged in fire and faith,

and who called you sun

because you lit up everything inside her.

And if you ever forget who you are,

remember:

you are my joy.

You are my soil,

my water,

my rhythm.

You are love in motion.

With everything I am,

Mama

song: Sun/Son by Jhene Aiko